Chapter 1 • Where It All Began.

In 1999, I had just graduated from high school. It was close to the end of June, and I was working my second summer at my town pool.

I absolutely loved this job. I was an arts and crafts counselor, recreation department worker, as well as a front desk worker who checked in patrons daily.

On breaks, I would head over to the snack bar for lunch or snacks. This particular year, there was a new person running the snack bar. He was a 45 year old man. For legal sake, even though I doubt this man would read my blog let’s call him Don. He seemed nice at first, but soon, he started to hit on me and say things that made me feel uncomfortable. I never thought to report him. I just blew it all off as him just being some creepy older man.

As much as I loved this job, that quickly changed, though, in what seemed like a matter of seconds.

One day, I was sitting at the front desk checking in patrons. I recall sitting with my legs crossed. In walked Don. He walked right up to me said hey sexy then he ran his hand up the inner part of my thigh and touched me where he shouldn’t have. I panicked, froze, then jumped up and ran to tell my boss.

My boss said he would handle the situation, and he doesn’t want me to get the town police involved. So then I immediately ran to the pay phone and called my dad.

I explained in a shaky voice that I was just sexually assaulted by the man who runs the snack bar. My father asked if I told my boss. I said yes, and he said my boss would handle it, and I’m making it out to be more of a big deal than it was.

Not really how I hoped that conversation would go, but I guess I was always used to my father not being very fazed by much in life.

After I got off the phone with my father, my boss called me in his office. He said he spoke to Don and told him he can’t come near me. I said I think this man should be fired. My boss said that’s not going to happen, and told me to take the rest of the day off.

I went home and cried in my room. I felt so gross from being sexually assaulted. I was so angry about the entire situation and even more angry that Don got away with it.

The next day, I had off from work, so even though my boss told me not to get the police involved, I decided to go to the police station to report this. When I reported it, the cop I spoke with said “well young lady it’s your word against his, so there isn’t much we can do about it.” I was in shock that was even being a response from a police officer.

As I walked out of the police station furious, another cop came up to me and said he heard my conversation. He asked where I worked and who this man was. I told him everything he wanted to know. He said “don’t worry I’ll handle”

The next day, I had work. I was taken off front desk duty since the incident. My boss said he wants to keep the distance between Don and I. So I stuck with my other jobs.

As I was walking to go to the bathroom, I saw the cop I spoke with walk over to the snack bar. He asked the snack bar guy to step over to the picnic area to talk. All I remember is seeing the cop slam Don into the fence and hear him say “ If you ever touch that girl again, I’ll hurt you and make sure you end up getting arrested!”

At that moment, I was happy at least one person was on my side throughout this whole ordeal.

As days went on, I kept seeing the snack bar guy. I started to get severe anxiety that got worse and worse every day I went to work.

One night after work, my two friends asked me to hang out. So we went to my guy friends house. He said “let’s do ecstasy.” He said this would take my mind off all the stress I felt from what happened.

So I took the pill from him. In the moment, I felt great and happy again. I was able to block it from my mind, but that didn’t last very long.

Within hours, I had a panic attack. I was paranoid, and the snack bar guy was following me. I was overwhelmed with anxiety.

This anxiety worsened, and my mind spiraled out of control. I was in the midst of having a nervous breakdown.

I continued to go to work but couldn’t function. My speech became more rapid, I had racing thoughts, barely ate, and was quickly losing weight. My friends began to be extremely worried about me.

Days went on, and I kept seeing Don. My paranoia and anxiety worsened as each day passed. I then started to confront my boss and began to be extremely argumentative towards him.

This went on for a week, and my boss eventually called me into his office and said he has to let me go from my job due to my erratic behavior.

I was furious. How is it that I could get fired for being sexually assaulted, but the perpetrator still has his job?

My mood and mindset kept spiraling out of control. At the time, I didn’t realize I was in a complete manic episode.

My family was not at all supportive during this , but I could tell my behavior worried them.

One night, I locked myself in my bedroom and started breaking things and tearing my room apart. My dad pounded on my door to come out of my room. I refused and kept on destroying my room, I just couldn’t control my aggression in that moment.

My grandparents were called to come over, and my grandfather came to my bedroom door, so I ended up coming out of my room. I remember walking up to my dad and screaming at him, and then he slapped me in the face, leaving a huge red mark on my cheek. After that happened, I stormed back into my room.

Soon after, my family called 911. I remember being dragged out by cops I had no shoes on, and I was placed in an ambulance. I was beyond manic at this point. The ambulance brought me to a local psychiatric hospital.

This is where my mental health journey began.

To be continued…..