Chapter 4 • Reporting My Sexual Assault.

I decided to take the advice of one of the fellow group members who also attended my outpatient program. I called my good friend Becky, who also worked at the pool where the incident happened, and asked her if she’d come down to the police station with me so I could report it to the police.

I told my father what I was planning on doing, and he did not at all agree with or support my decision. He told me to simply let it go that it’s in the past now I don’t need to make it into a big deal. I told him I still don’t understand at all why he’s not fazed. I was sexually assaulted. I realized I was wasting my breath on having such a conversation with him. I told him I don’t care how he feels I should handle it I’m going to do what I know is the right thing to do.

My friend Becky said she’d come with me to the police station. I decided to dress nice to go in hopes I’d be taken a bit more seriously.

When I entered the police station, I went to the window and said “I’d like to follow up and report a sexual assault that happened to me a month ago at the town pool.” The guy said with an attitude that the detectives are quite busy today, but if it’s that important I’ll have to wait.

So Becky and I sat waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Then, a detective came out and asked Becky if she was at work during anything that happened the day of the incident or prior to. She answered yes, so we were told we would both be questioned separately.

I was taken to a small room full of 5 or 6 detectives, not a single woman, so that was a bit intimidating. They asked me to sit and said they had questions to ask me prior to me giving my statement on the incident.

Looking back I’m not shocked by the questions asked, because from reading so many posts on the #metoo movement that was popular years ago I see that sexual assaults and rape cases are most often times are ignored or even blamed on the women.

The first question I was asked was what was my age at the time of the incident? I said 18 years old.

Question two was what were you wearing at the time of the incident? I said, “Why is that important?” I was told in a snarky voice to just answer what I’m asked. So I said I was wearing shorts and a pool shirt that was my pool staff shirt I was required to wear.

Then I was asked how short my shorts were? I said they were normal cut shorts. I don’t wear extremely short revealing clothes.

The next question was how my relationship with the perpetrator started? I said he worked at the snack bar, and I only really spoke to him when I was on break ordering food.

Then I was asked if I was ever flirtatious with this man to lead him to believe I was interested in his sexual advances? I then said these questions seem like I’m to blame for a grown man sexually assaulting me. The one detective interrupted me when I tried to keep commenting and said young lady do not tell us how to conduct our jobs, if you don’t like it feel free to leave and not file a report.

I then waited for the next most likely inappropriate question to make me seem at fault.

The detective then asked me if the snack bar guy said anything flirtatious to me? I said, “Yes, he would say weird comments that were making me a bit uncomfortable.”

Then I was asked if that’s the case. Why did I choose not to report him then? I explained that sometimes men can be creepy, but I never imagined he’d act on it.

The detective then said “well it seems as if I led this man to believe I was interested in him.” I was shocked that it was even said to me. As if it’s ok for a man to sexually assault me, and now basically the room full of detectives all decided that this whole thing was completely my fault.

They ended the questions by asking me what exactly came of this situation at the pool after I reported it to my boss. I told them my boss said he’d handle it and to not get the town police involved, and then I was kept on my two other positions away from the front desk to limit my encounters with Don. I became extremely paranoid soon after I had a nervous breakdown, and I ended up hospitalized.

I was then asked if I wanted to give an exact statement about what happened. I replied yes.

I said Don, a 45 year old man was the person who ran the snack bar for the summer. He started by saying very in appropriate sexual comments towards me that looking back, I wish I had reported. Then, one day, while I was sitting at the front desk checking in patrons, he walked up to me, said hey sexy. My legs were crossed. Don slid his hand up my inner thigh and touched my vagina. I freaked out and reported the incident it to my boss immediately after it happened, then called my father. Don was spoken to, but that’s the extent of it. I ended up eventually being fired from my job, and nothing ever happened to Don. This is why I felt it was necessary, and I hoped it would be helpful if I filed a police report.

That’s when the detective said “well I think we now heard enough.” As if what I just said was a typical Monday afternoon occurrence.

I asked what comes of this now that I filed a report? I explained I’d like a restraining order seeing at one point Don commented he saw me walking around the town he owns a deli in and I was with my 3 friends and he thought I looked sexy in my outfit that day. I said I’m worried about my safety, seeing he assaulted me once, and is apparently getting away with doing it. I was told I could pursue getting a lawyer and going to court, but most often times nothing will really come of something like this, seeing it’s my word against his. I was then told I’m now 18 I’m an adult, so this situation isn’t viewed like it would be if I was under age. I said so adult women can be assaulted, blamed, then ignored as if it’s no big deal because we are of age, so it’s become appropriate for a man to do this type of thing. The cop said nothing back to me.

I was then asked to sign my report and remember the paper stating are all my statements truthful if so, please sign. I was then told they would file and make a copy of my report, and I could pick it up to keep it for my records.

I thought I would feel better reporting this to the cops, but the outcome to reporting it and the questions I was asked just made me feel 100 times worse.

I met Becky in the waiting area and asked her how her talk went. She told me it was only a few questions asking if she saw the assault or if Don was inappropriate towards her as well. She said no to both questions. She said that’s all she was asked and they wrote the report and she signed it.

On the drive home from the police station, I was furious and broke down crying. I wasn’t at all expecting talking to detectives to go how it went. I was just so angry I was being made out to be blamed for this whole thing.

So now I was fired from my job over this, and now I’m being made out to be the reason it happened. Don simply got away with it all. This just wasn’t fair.

I went to see my best friend Ana that night to talk to her about all of it. She informed me that numerous underage girls were talking about how Don was sexually inappropriate towards them as well, but after seeing what happened to me, none of them felt comfortable reporting it.

I was just beyond upset about all of this. This situation completely altered my entire life, sent me into a hospital, put me on psychiatric meds that I’m told I now have to take them for the rest of my life, left me with trauma, and now I simply need to just suck up how I feel and move on like it never happened.

I felt awful this happened to other girls who also worked at the pool. I started to think if Don felt ok doing this to workers at the pool, I assume this is just who he is, and he must have assaulted or been appropriate to other women.

I realized I needed to let it go. I knew I would never forget what happened, but I quickly realized nothing I did would get Don in trouble. I mean, if the police blamed me for it happening and basically closed the case on it, there wasn’t anything more I could do.

I’ve realized over my 40 years of life on this planet that life isn’t always going to be fair. Many times, bad people get away with bad things. This time of my life was simply that. A 45 year old man got away with sexually assaulting me and other girls, and he would never face a single consequence for his actions.

From facing the life I have in the past, it all fuels me to want to tell my stories and to advocate for the voiceless. We live in a society with a system that needs to change for the better.

To this day, women are raped or assaulted and end up ignored or blamed for it due to their attire or if they were drunk, and it’s simply not ok. Obviously, men could also be assaulted and raped, but seeing I’m a woman writing only on my experience, I can only tell my story of what I lived through.

I pray for a day the system handles things much better, but for now all I can do is tell my story and I hope it can help someone who could relate to it and benefit from reading it.

To be continued…..