Chapter 11 • The Day I Met God

Life of living with my mothers alcoholism and mental health struggles was not easy. I never knew whether she would be sober or completely under the influence of alcohol and unstable.

I grew to fear my mother, I also grew to hate my mother. I even grew to hate God for abandoning me and making my life what it was. It wasn’t fair that my mom chose to drink over being my stable mother I once had and the one I deserved to still have.

On this particular day of my childhood, I was in 6th grade. My mother promised she was going to pick me up from school. She told me before school that she would pick me up after school.

I was actually excited my mom would pick me up, which would mean she would be sober, and that was becoming a very rare thing to see in my mothers behavior.

After school, I stood with the crossing guard. I didn’t know it was supposed to rain, so I didn’t have an umbrella. The crossing guard asked me if I had a ride home. I said “I think my mother is coming to get me.”

So, the crossing guard waited with me for 25 minutes while I stood under her umbrella. Eventually, the crossing guard had to go home, so by now, it was thundering and lightening out.

I had no choice but to walk home. It took me 45 minutes to walk home. It was scary to be outside during a horrible thunderstorm.

Well, once I got home and walked through my front door, I saw my mother passed out on the floor with car keys in her hand.

I was so angry not only, because she didn’t get me from school, but also because she planned to drive drunk if she were to get me.

So I kicked her leg and screamed at her. I said “ fuck you and fuck you for making me walk home in a thunderstorm I hate you, I hate you so much!”

I stormed up to my room to change out of my soaking wet clothes and went to the bathroom.

I walked past my mother again and went to sit outside with my umbrella. It was still drizzling out.

I looked up to the sky and said “God please show me a sign you are with me and that one day everything will be better. Please, God, I can’t take this anymore.”

All of a sudden, while staring at the sky, the grey clouds parted, and the sun came out instantly after I said my prayer. In that moment, I no longer felt alone, I felt protected.

Some may say that might not have been God, but I know deep down in my heart that was his way of communicating with me during my time of need.

I sat outside for a while after I prayed and just felt a sense of relief that just maybe one day things would get better for me and my family.

When I went back inside, my mother had woken up from her drunken slumber and was in the kitchen.

She was slurring her speech and asked how I got home from school and apologized for not being able to pick me up. I mumbled “ yeah you’d rather drink than be my parent”. Out loud, I said “whatever” and walked away.

I then went up to my room and laid on my bed, and cried until I fell asleep. I will be honest whenever I would wake up I’d sometimes assume my life was just a bad nightmare, and just maybe I’ll walk downstairs to my happy, stable mother.

Realistically, my life was full of letdowns by my mother, I just needed to start accepting that she has a drinking problem and can’t be the mother I deserved to have.