Life after a house fire is not easy to live. My family lost everything. I couldn’t even imagine this would have ever become our lives.
We had to get clothes donated to us and slowly over time we were able to buy and replace not only all of our clothes, but everything we had was lost.
We went back to the house to look for important documents and hopefully salvage family photos and whatever else of importance.
Walking into the house, it was the most awful burnt smell I’ve ever smelt. It was like walking into a horror movie house. Everything was burnt up and ruined.
Shockingly, we found our baby books and family photos, and they all had minimal damage to them. Everything else besides important documents in a fireproof locked box was destroyed and burnt up to only be left as a memory.
I was angry that my mother could do this to her family. How could someone even fathom doing something like this? I was now terrified of her and no longer felt comfortable being in her life anymore.
As angry as I was about all of this, I was able to block out thinking about my mother. As if I didn’t lose a relationship with her in the past due to her drinking and mental health, this was the limit I hit on ever, hoping she would get sober and well again.
As to where my mother went after getting on an ambulance after the fire, I don’t know even until this day.
Wherever she went, I now knew she had to live with this memory for the rest of her life.
I did question where God was through this situation, and from this, I gave up on my belief in Him.
I can now look back on her struggles and suffering, though, and to an extent empathize with her suffering due to my personal recovery journey. I know I would have never reached a point to set a house on fire, but I faced off with my own situations I caused that I only did due to mental health breakdowns.
Watching my mother’s mental health breakdowns and alcoholic rages angered me, but now I see she was suffering with no way out.
At age 43, with similar lived experiences, I can look back on my mother’s past and be a bit more empathetic about it. I’d never be capable of doing what she did at times, but I’ve had my fair share of huge regrettable mistakes due to my mental health.
The Outspoken Advocate 