As great as it was to live back home again, my father was barely around. My grandparents started to care for us by picking us up from school, watching us after school, and then when they would leave, it would just be my siblings and I left to fend for ourselves.
This was our new normal, not having a parental figure. Looking back I know my father needed to work a lot to take care of our needs and give us a home, but I also know he just didn’t want to be home much most likely due to overwhelming stress of what his ex wife did to our family. Whatever the reason, I wanted my father to be present in my life. Like I said I the last chapter, he chose his girlfriends family over his own, which was very upsetting to come to terms with.
I remember one night I was going to sleep in his room, because of course he slept out at his girlfriends house. As I was watching TV, I heard a loud gunshot and scream outside the window. I panicked and called my dad and said I heard a gunshot. Can you please come home. All he said was just make sure the doors are locked, and I’ll be OK. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Having to come to the realization that I had no parents to lean on or depend on was very upsetting. I was angry and started to despise his girlfriend and her daughter. I was even more angry with my father and left very confused about why he wanted absolutely nothing to do with his family. What was so special about his girlfriend and her daughter who took the place of spending time with his own children?
The one thing getting me through all of this is my father let me adopt a cat named Shai, and I found comfort in having her. She became my new best friend and emotional support.
Months went by, and soon I found out my father’s girlfriend and her daughter were now going to move into my house. Seeing I became closer with her daughter in a way, I was excited about this, but that all changed. I was angry because I was told that my father’s giflfriends daughter was allergic to cats, so they told me I needed to give her up. This caused me to hate my father’s girlfriend.
To think I thought my life would be better since my mother was out of the picture, but now all of this became an added stress.
At this point in my life, I started to give up on praying. All I thought, though, is why does God want my family to suffer so much? Why doesn’t God save me.
The Outspoken Advocate 