Being back home has been great. Looking back on what our original house turned into from my mother’s mental health and addictions of it constantly looking like a huge mess to now starting over with a clean organized home I stopped even thinking about my mother. Prior to the fire, my homelife was like living in a war zone from it just being a disaster and hearing constant arguing all the time with an extremely unstable mother who I never felt safe around. To have a peaceful home again just made me think I’d never be under my mother’s care again. For that, I hoped never to see her again.
Then, one day, my mother showed up as if nothing had ever even happened. She just walked into the house as if she were living here again. She looked well and was stable, but how could a person burn a house down then just act as if nothing ever happened.
My father came into the living room and saw her. Immediately, he told her she no longer lives here and that she needs to leave.
That was the day they began the divorce process. I thought that would be the last time I would have ever seen her, but that wasn’t the case.
I was unaware of this, but my father now had plans for his girlfriend and her daughter to move in. In a way, I was excited because I’ve grown closer to her daughter. I still didn’t love my father’s girlfriend, though.
That day came, and my father’s girlfriend and her her daughter started to move in. One night, I overheard them both arguing about his girlfriend assuming my mother would have the kids full time and we’d only be living with my dad on the weekends. I thought who in their right mind would even assume my mother is fit to have us in her life at all. I guess my dad had told her that.
Well, after I heard their argument, I cried and worried somehow I’d have to live with my mom, the person I am scared of most in this world. All of this made me start to despise my father’s girlfriend even more. I knew she just wanted her own happy little family without my siblings and I being a part of it.
Soon after, I talked to my dad and said there is no way I’m living with my mother. She’s a lunatic and I want nothing to do with her. He told me I’d need to at least spend time with her as she is my mother still.
I was just confused about why she even needs to be back in my life. I said, where will we even have to go to see her? He told me she is now living with her parents so we’d be spending weekends there. That wasn’t entirely bad. I do love my grandparents, so at least I would be in a safe home environment. I still wasn’t happy I had to spend any time with my mother.
So now my homelife was going to be adjusting to having my father’s girlfriend and her daughter move in and his kids being forced out every weekend. There was nothing I could do to change it.
As much as I stopped believing in God, I did pray that my life would be OK. I asked God to please keep me safe when I’m around my mother and to make it that the weekend visits will not be a permanent situation. I was aware God abandoned me in the past, so I had zero trust in Him now.
The Outspoken Advocate 